God Only Cries for the Living

Remembering Tylor

Amanda, Michael, Mara, Tylor, Emily, Christopher

When we first moved to San Diego, we made some great friends. They were our next door neighbors. Our kids became quick friends. They were always outside and always together. Michael and Tylor were the most polite kids I've EVER met. "Yes, please. No thank-you. Yes ma'am, no ma'am." Always polite. When Chris deployed, it was a great comfort knowing I had some good neighbors. (I was pregnant with Cameron at the time.) We were so sad when they moved back to Canada 10 days before Cameron was born.

Tylor and Mara and their mom came back to visit us a while later. Tylor and Emily were pretty inseparable. They seemed to be the best of friends. They were always laughing and always smiling. When they left again, Emily and Tylor kept in touch through MySpace. Good friends forever.


Tylor & Emily

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of a very tragic event. One year ago, on July 30, 2008, there was a high speed police chase that lasted 33 seconds. In less than a minute, Tylor who was riding his bike home and was only ten houses away, was run down and killed. He was 15. I can't believe how bad we still hurt. I can't even imagine the pain his mom is feeling. I didn't realize how much I love that family, those kids, that young man. I hurt so much when I think of this tragic event that could have been avoided. It is senseless. So incredibly senseless.

When Amanda was hospitalized, I remember that phone call with the hospital not telling me if she was dead or alive, just that she was there in the emergency room and that we needed to get there. I remember that panic as we sped through the rain to get there. I remember the fear and the pain and the tears. And I know my friend went through that same thing. And I don't wish that on anyone. For my friend though, her son was gone. My heart is broken for her. I don't know how to help her. I don't know what words to say. I wish I could be there with her. When I think about it, my throat tightens and the tears just flow. I can't help it. I can not even imagine her pain. She is a single mom who has been through hell already with the breakup of her marriage. She is dealing with this alone. (Biological father passed away a couple of years ago, step-father doesn't seem to care, he never treated Tylor as his son.) I ask that my friends and family will hold her in your hearts, especially for the next few days. Say some prayers, send good vibes, whatever it is you do. She is falling apart, and I don't know what to say or do to help her. Please keep Jewel in your hearts.

Burning the Bridge Behind Me...236

Oops, it's Tuesday again. I didn't get to post yesterday. I was pretty busy. The day started off with Cameron vomiting on my bedroom floor. On the new carpet we just had installed in March. Grr. Anyway, he's all better now. Don't know what it was, but it doesn't seem to be contagious.

As you can see, I didn't do very good since last Monday. I got two interval workouts in. Hey, better than nothing, right? During the intervals I keep my heart rate at 117 at the lowest, and 147 at the highest. I'm trying to just walk it, and I can get my heart up to 147 with fast walking, but it feels like my muscle in my left leg is about to bust out. But when I jog it doesn't hurt near as bad. What's up with that? I'm afraid it may be Compartment Syndrome. I'm not looking forward to the testing. When I had it in my right leg, they punched a gauge of some sort through my fascia to read the pressure. They can only numb the outside of the leg, not the fascia, so that friggin hurt. Then they made me walk a quarter mile at a fast pace. My leg felt like concrete. Then they punched the gauge through the fascia again to see how high the pressure was. A few days later I was in surgery. Down for a week, and on crutches for 6 weeks and it took YEARS for me to regain feeling in that leg. Can you imagine walking, running or doing anything on a leg that feels like it's asleep from the knee to the foot all the time? It sucks. I still have alternating numbness and then pins and needles around the surgery sites. (2 sites) So yeah, I'm not looking forward to this at all. But I know I need to get serious about it because I really want to take part in a specific event in May. I need to be up to par by then.

Well, that's how my fitness journey is going right now. I will report on it again on Monday, hopefully with better results.

Burning the Bridge Behind Me...237

For so long I have been trying to lose weight and get fit. You know what? I haven't been trying hard enough. So here goes; I'm putting myself out there now. You are now going to be the people I am accountable to. I've tried and tried to do it on my own. I know what I should be doing; I just don't do it consistently. And consistency is the key. I know if I am going to report to someone on a weekly basis, I will do better. So here I am. You may not want to be a part of this, you may not care. If you don't want to read it, skip the 'Burning the Bridge Behind Me' posts on Mondays. (Yes, I know, today is not Monday-I meant to do this yesterday). The number, 237 for now, is my current weight.

I have been listening to a certain radio show since October 2007. The host is pretty tough love without making the people feel bad about themselves. People who need support or motivation for getting fit call in to his show and he talks with them and helps them think through their roadblocks, which he calls speed bumps. There are so many people who call in that are in worse shape than me. If anyone has excuses not to workout, it is them. I have two functioning arms and legs. There are people who call who are confined to wheelchairs or scooters. People with congestive heart failure. People who call in using an interpreter because they can't speak or hear. A person with one arm. A person who only has function of one foot right now. One lady was run over by two axles of a semi-truck. And they are all doing what they can. What is my excuse? I have none. I have to get up and get moving and treat this one body that I have been given like it is a gift, a treasure. Because that is what it is. And it is temporary. Right now, while I am still relatively young, my body can climb mountains, swim in oceans, walk great distances, dance with my husband, run and play with my children, etc. And hopefully someday my grand children. All if I will let it. I'm done sitting on the bench. I will be healthy. Watch me.

Quasi-answers

Where are we going to live? Well, we want to be near a military base so we can use our base privileges. So we are weighing the pros and cons between Fort Hood in Killeen, TX and Fort Leavenworth in Leavenworth, Kansas. (Missouri)

Texas:

Pros: Blue Bell Ice Cream, no state taxes, better veterans benefits, larger population of extended family for the kids to visit with; Grammy and Pawpaw Davis, and 3 sets of aunts and uncles with 6 cousins between them, 1 great aunt and uncle, 1 set of good friends with 2 kids between them and overall, the people in Texas seem to be friendlier.

Cons: HOT (100+ degrees in the summer with 100% humidity with summer seeming to last 9 months), mosquitoes galore.

Missouri:

Pros: Four seasons, Grandma and Grandpa Sinclair, 1 aunt and uncle.

Cons: Snow to shovel (we've never had to deal with snow so we really don't know if this is a biggie), extra long arthritic flare-ups for me due to the cold weather, state taxes, no extended family children for our children to be around. And overall when we have visited, the people seem to be a bit discourteous (similar to many Californians).

What is Chris going to do? I'll let him answer this one.---> I, Chris am very fickle and haven't completely made up my mind just yet. I do love Teaching and would love to be an Elementary School Teacher; there are so many benefits to a Teaching career-Summers off (or most of it) teaching of course, working with children :), benefits themselves such as second retirement. Then there is the choice of working in the area of my degree: Health Care Administration- Yes, I know wonderful pay, great job prospects and the such; but, my heart isn't there and I just spent 20 years working under a contract. Let me do something I love. I know I could be a great administrator and make a nice livin; but I also know that I could live well and support my family while enjoying my career as a Teacher. I could also work in other fields such as Education and Training or Safety or Environmental Health. But, what's the fun in those, I've been doing them for soooo long and feel that I need a new challenge. I also love that my Navy retirement will cover our new home purchase (as long as we keep it modest) and that I don't necessarily need that high income, high stress job. Well, that's pretty much my thinking now. I have about 4-5 more months before I really need to settle on something and start my last year in the Navy. Whatever I do, I want to enjoy my job and have time with my family.
Let me know what you think, O.K. and I'll either consider it or I'll put it in the-yeah right pile. Love ya and see you at the Retirement Party next November.(2010)

Random!

Wow, it seems like it's been half of forever since I posted last. What can I tell you to catch you up? Let's see...hmmm...Well, Emily killed the Language Arts portion of the California High School Exit Exam. She did OK on the math portion, but really scored high on the Language Arts portion. Her teacher is very impressed. Emily should be done with high school around January/ February. Yay!

Chris was due to leave in October for a year to Africa. He got out of that...whew! Then he took orders to Connecticut pending approval for back to back shore duty. His detailer took so long to get back to him with the approval, that we started thinking that maybe it wasn't approved. So then Chris started thinking that he really REALLY wants to retire from the military. He had two weeks to let that idea just mull around in his head. So now he's retiring. Eighteen more months and we are done with the Navy. You are all invited to the retirement ceremony. Seriously.

I got a little more serious about a fitness challenge I've been a part of for the last few weeks. I had a crazy addiction to those stupid 42 ounce sodas from McDonald's. I was having anywhere from 1-3 a day. Crazy! I kept telling myself that tomorrow I will not have one, I will quit. Everyday the same thing. For months. I tried to just slow down and have a couple a week. That worked for about 8 hours. I decided I just had to go cold turkey. And I did. I went through several days of caffeine headaches, but I made it. Addiction broken. I feel so much better. I also started trying to fit a little more movement into my days, making a real effort to get out and exercise. I've lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks. Not bad.

Hmm, what else? I had plenty to say but now that I'm actually typing, duuuuhh.

Our garden is sad. Very sad. Our lettuce, sun flowers and chives are growing great. But our bell peppers, okra, and watermelon not so much. It would probably help if we knew what was what, but we don't. See after we planted the seeds ages ago, our sweet little Cameron got in there with a hoe and mixed it all up helped us. Hey, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Someone else was letting him do whatever he wanted watching him. Anyway, it's been fun trying to figure out what is what. We call it the mystery garden. Last weekend we transplanted the sunflowers to a different part of the yard because they were shading the rest of the plants too much. Watch them turn out to be peppers or okra. We shall see.

Well, since I can't think of any other random stuff to tell you, I'm gonna skedaddle.